2021
reflections on what I learned, ‘The Nurturing Voice’, and what’s next.
Since 2018, I’ve been marked by the same pursuit – to cultivate a relationship with The Nurturing Voice. Or, an inner presence that knows, guides, and cares for my well-being. Through nature, somatic healing, nervous system nourishment, and being initiated by cyclic embodiment – the wheel of the feminine, it’s been a ride. This ‘ride’ has taken on two different energies really: to cultivate a relationship with the Nurturing Voice, and to tend to it. And now a third energy: to devote myself. More on that below.
But first the juicy stuff. It’s all juicy. But I mean, the stuff of truth and learning.No doubt, these past 2 years have presented us each with a host of different challenges systemically, personally, professionally. For myself, 2021 especially has been a time of unwinding, unlearning, and, it’s actually been kind of ugly. Raw and honest. The kind of life content we spend years avoiding and compensating for. And Beautiful – because I still spent countless days outdoors, harvesting, walking to new places, sitting and watching. Beautiful because I once again got to meet and serve remarkable women in my business. Clients who were drawn towards the work of Self Nurturing, who found their way by referral or happenstance.
So what did 2021 teach me?
*What saves or aids someone’s life is none of my business unless they choose to share it. This includes how they find ways to survive. Especially if I believe I know better.*self-righteousness can be contagious in social justice culture.*Perfect opportunities and invitations don’t live on pedestals. They are countless like the stars and strewn all over the mud.
*The Fawn Response is an incredible power that often protects Innocence and Anger.
*Those who lead me are also being led.
*Discernment and ‘trusting my gut’ feel different in my body.
*honouring lineage and teachers does not mean everything *they* do I choose.
*running away and choosing to leave are two distinct expressions from the same desire: to belong
*the most compassionate people may also be people I would have once called ‘Bad’ or ‘Dangerous’ or ‘Insensitive’
*that just because I can, doesn’t mean I need to*choices I made when feeling numb can still turn out to be magnificent decisions*feeling trapped is one of my greatest fears and what a blessing to know it*contempt may hide behind capability
*eating breakfast is something I can do and is good for me
*my body is beautiful at every single size it’s ever been and will be
*disordered eating patterns can permeate even the most ‘earthy’ of people
*creative energy lives beneath my depressions; She rests until she is nourished
*money, sex and spirituality have a lot to do with nervous system capacity
*my worth is not limited to my skill
*my skill is limited to my capacity
*my capacity is unlimited in it’s potential
*I deeply value hunting.
*internal tension is a source of wholeness
*needing to be profound can be a sign of a colonized mind
*dream tending and interpretation brings me greater life clarity
*grief is an active force and I am so thankful for it
*sometimes whispering ‘what the f*ck’ over and over, grabbing fistfuls of sand and staring at Lake Superior is the *most healed* response to trauma
*my Work in the world is sacred, not special
*just because I can use my skill to serve someone, doesn’t mean I like them or need to like them. (thank you Madison Morrigan for helping me put words to this one)
Also, for good measure, here’s what DIDN’T happen in 2021:
*I didn’t pay off the majority of my debt
*I didn’t *nail* the perfect business formula to create income with ease
*I didn’t pay off my full SE training tuition
*I didn’t write a book (although I did begin it, and then it started writing me)
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I flipped back through my cell photos from the year and felt into each month. What did I learn? What did I leave? What struck me? Honestly, it’s been a trudge this year at different times. I’ve probably cried way harder and way more this year than in any other. And in the most beautiful places to boot! I’m so grateful for my home, my loved ones, my business and the structure of it, and my mentors.
See, the Nurturing Voice came to me as an energy to embody and connect with through teachings from two of my mentors Andrew and Angie Di Iorio Blake, specifically around what we call ‘The Compassion Source’; an outer source that you create a psychic bridge with to generate compassion from within. The Compassion Source can be anyone you know, a spiritual figure or religious deity, something of nature, or a colour, a feeling, that to you represents Compassion. Over time, by remembering, and practicing, you develop a bond with your Compassion Source. And this can aid you in times where it may feel difficult to resource compassion for others or yourself.
DEVOTION
I am turning towards 2022 with a Devotional energy towards all that has gotten me this far. I don’t want to resist my infatuation with being alive out of the fear of what I can lose. I want to marvel at the sky, light candles with laugh-my-ass-off reverence, and dig my fingers into the soil knowing that all I remember and all I unlearn ripples into future generations, and into my ancestral line. I want more flow in my hips, more songs on my lips and more guides for this trip.
Thank you so much for being part of this with me. I am so looking forward to learning more from each other. Feel free to drop a comment if something resonates. I am curious too, what has 2021 taught you? And what are you turning towards?
love and courage! xx
Maxine